Fear of Rejection

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The fear of rejection and its first cousin, the fear of failure, are roadblocks on the road to happiness. When we try to please everybody in sight, we create for ourselves a task that is unrealistic, unsatisfying, and, ultimately, unworthy of our efforts.

The undo fear of rejection can result in the unfortunate consequences which include, but are not limited to:

	The inability to say no to others, even when we feel in our hearts that we should do so.
	The reluctance to extend ourselves in order to build meaningful interpersonal relationships.
	The reluctance to make sales calls.
	The fear of honestly expressing our opinions.
	The reluctance to stand up for our own best interests, whether at work, at school, or at home.

If you’re a world-class people pleaser, and if you’re displeased with the consequences of your behavior, consider the following:

1. Your fear of rejection results from unspoken (yet highly pervasive) messages that you’re telling yourself about the consequences of being judged "unworthy" or "imperfect" by the people whom you seek to impress. If so, it’s time to start thinking more rationally. Remember: You can’t please everybody, nor should you even try. Of course there are a few people whom you should seek to please, starting with your family (and, to a lesser extent, the person who signs your paycheck). But, trying to please everybody all of the time else is an impossible, all-consuming task that will complicate your life, deplete your energies, and leave you unhappy, under-appreciated, and overworked.

2. You may be living and laboring under the mistaken belief that it is "horrible" or "awful" to hear the word "no." It is not. Yet too many people put their lives on hold because they fear being turned down by others. If the fear of the little two-letter word "no" is standing between you and the things you want from life, proceed ahead in spite of your fears. You’ll soon discover that the rewards of facing the possibility of rejection far outweigh the risks.

3. Look for ways that your fear of rejection may impact other areas of your life: Are you a procrastinator? Perhaps you’re afraid that your work (and, by implication, yourself) will be judged "imperfect" by others. Are you stuck in an unrewarding (or unhealthy) relationship? Perhaps you’re overly afraid of displeasing the other person by breaking things off (even if the other person is mistreating you). Is your sales career on hold? Perhaps the fear of rejection has interfered with your need to contact new prospects and to close more sales. Do you going dateless to the prom? Perhaps you’re afraid to ask the person of your choice for fear that you’ll be turned down. From these few examples, it’s clear that the fear of rejection can affect many areas of your life. That’s why it’s important that you think rationally and honestly about relationships, your behaviors, your habits, and your life.

And for a few helpful quotations about the fear of rejection, click here.

This page was written by Criswell Freeman, Psy.D.

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