1. Appropriate Anger: At certain times, anger is appropriate. These occasions occur when we witness genuine wrongdoing. The proper course of action in response to our anger is, of course, to take appropriate steps to remedy the wrongdoing we have witnessed.
2. Inappropriate Anger: Because we have not been properly trained in ways to make our anger productive, and because we are fallible human beings who don’t always think clearly and behave appropriately, our anger may become misdirected, inappropriate, and highly counterproductive.
3. Productive Versus Unproductive Anger: Productive anger motivates us to take appropriate steps to remedy the situation that angers us. Unproductive anger causes us either to strike out in haste or to stew in our own juices.
4. Striking Out in Anger is Striking Out in Life: In civilized societies, there exist few rewards for those who express their anger through physical means. The punishments for such behaviors, on the other hand, are plentiful and profoundly unpleasant.
5. Stewing Over Problems is an Excellent Way to Cook One’s Own Goose: Fretting over the injustices of life doesn’t solve them. When we invest our energies in worrying, blaming, regretting, or hating, we solve no problems and make ourselves miserable in the process.
6. Anger Over Problems That We Are Unwilling to Solve: All too often, we become furious over problems that we are personally unwilling to do anything about. We complain about politics but we don’t always vote; we complain about our jobs but we’re not willing to retrain ourselves for more rewarding employment opportunities; we blame the teacher instead of doing the homework. In almost every case, such anger is a foolish waste of time and energy.
7. Anger Builds Up if We Let It: If we don’t carefully monitor our thoughts, we allow the little frustrations of the day to build up. When we do, one final small frustration may cause an emotional eruption that results in a highly unfortunate outburst.
8. Explosions Happen if We Let Them: When we don’t possess the courage and the wisdom to walk away from arguments, we may erupt into a tirade of verbal vitriol or physical violence. When we do so, we very often reap disastrous consequences for ourselves and for our loved ones.
9. Angry Words and Explosive Behaviors Can’t Be Erased: Unfortunately, prisons are filled hundreds of thousands of good people who wish that they could go back in time and erase their own impulsive behaviors. They can’t. Hasty words and deeds may have tragic consequences that can’t be erased.
10. Ironically, Many of the Things We’re Angry About Aren’t Even Real: We human beings have a wonderful capacity to exaggerate our problems and to blame others for the problems we imagine. Also, we are extremely quick to assign motives to other people’s behaviors, and usually we are incorrect in our evaluation of other people’s motives.
11. Anger is Contagious: If you’re associating with angry people, you’ll soon become an angry person too. If your friends are angry young men or women, find new friends, and start finding them today.
12. Anger is Corrosive: Too much unproductive anger has a way of "eating us up." First, anger invades the inner person, and then it works its way out from there. Finally, it is manifest in destructive behavior.
13. Anger Can Be Controlled: Sometimes, we feel as though our anger is a force of nature that cannot be controlled. And, it is true that anger is more difficult for some people to control than for others. People whose temperaments tend to be "hot headed" may have to work harder in order to manage their anger successfully, but they can do so. What’s needed is training, maturity, and the mental capacity required to think clearly under pressure.

1. Be Aware of Your Tendencies: Perhaps you were born with a non-confrontational personality, or perhaps you were trained as a child to be that way. In either case, you should be aware that your tendency to "avoid conflict at all costs" is probably holding you back both professionally and personally.
2. Avoid the "Stew and Spew" Cycle: If you’re one of those people who keeps his or her mouth tightly shut until things finally "boil over" into a vitriolic outburst, short-circuit that cycle by speaking up for yourself more appropriately and more often.
3. Don’t Fall into the Trap of Passive Aggression: Passive aggressive people agree to do things, but then they don’t do them. They say hurtful things, but not directly. They move to the front of the line, and then they slow down. Oftentimes, passive aggression can be an inappropriate way of expressing anger. If you find yourself falling into the trap of passive aggression, remember that it’s a time-tested way to make yourself unproductive, unpopular, and miserable, but not necessarily in that order.
4. Same Old Thoughts? Try Thinking Some New Ones: If you find yourself thinking the same old angry thoughts over and over, make the conscious effort to interrupt those old thoughts with more productive new thoughts. And while you’re at it, why not make some specific plans for fixing the things that are bothering you?
5. Make Specific Plans and Follow Through: Is something bugging you? If so, ask yourself this question: Have I taken specific steps toward solving my problem, or have I only complained about it? If the answer is the latter, then you complaints have served a ironic purpose: they have allowed you to express your righteous indignation without your having to take the risk associated with solving your problem. But if you want your problem solved, you’ll have to take the risk of solving it sooner or later. So why not sooner?.
6. Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Taken Advantage Of: If you find yourself in a in a personal or professional relationship that is abusive (either verbally, emotionally, or physically), don’t wait for the other person to change. If you wait for the other person to change, you may find yourself waiting for a very long time or for the rest of your life, whichever comes first. Instead, take appropriate steps to protect yourself. If you find yourself being used for a physical or emotional punching bag, run, run, as fast as you can . . . in the opposite direction.
7. Don’t Get Angry, Get Busy: Is there something that’s bothering you? Don’t waste energy by worrying, waiting, wondering, wishing, or whining. Instead, get busy solving the problem. Since very few problems are self-solving, it’s up to you to solve the ones you want solved (and not to fret too much about the ones you’re unwilling to solve).

If you can’t find it in your hear to forgive other people, then you will, in time, become a member in good standing of the Injustice Collectors Club, and what a dreary organization it is. Injustice collectors never forgive and they never forget; by doing so, they make themselves miserable. If there exists even one person, alive or dead, whom you have not forgiven (and that includes yourself), it’s time to forgive and move on with your life. The alternative is condemn yourself to unnecessary bitterness, misery, anger, and regret.

AND FINALLY: When dealing with issues of anger management, as with other issues related to psychological health, remember that your situation is unique, so don’t depend solely upon the information you find here. See a trained mental health professional if you feel that you or someone you care for might have a serious problem.

Written by Dr. Cris Freeman
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